Ok hi. Im here to blog about today & last night. Shall start with yesterday alright. Went out to meet Sharifah Cinta at Bpp's 7Eleven. Then off to Mac, was looking for Izad but no avail. So went to have my lunch + dinner at Kfc. Then off to my block and met up with Izad.

Lepak with him, then off to my crib's lobby. Iskandar came shortly after, Izad left after recieving his friend's text. Lepak, talked alot about our relationships, i hope both of them will last long with their own partners, especially Sharifah ;) Then went home, talked on the phone with Michelle, Fana, Sera & Fiq.

I felt the worse last night, the feeling of being a cheater, a player, a bitch in someone who loves you alot's life. I cried, ignored all the calls from Izad. Im real sorry about me lying to you Izad, i read your text and i cried, i didn't thought that you really really loves me.

Okay skip this first aite, so i was on the phone with Michelle, Fana, Fiq & Sera last night. I cried when i was on the phone with Sera, omgod much, but im so happy that Sera didn't heard me crying if not mesti die kanchiong gile babi on the phone sia, hahaha.

Slept at 2am, wake up at 7am. Bathed, went out at 7.45am. Took 961, wasn't late for work, did work, had lunch at JTC. Felt unwell since morning till 6pm, thanks Selvie for your medicated oil and jacket, haha love you ^_^

Went back at 6pm, took 961. Saw Sakinah inside the bus, hah. Then alighted at Bpp. Crossed the bridge, and guess what? Idk how the fu*k did my bra strip came out and it came out!!!! I was like "wtf is that sia?" Then the uncle all look at me mcm they want to eat me up, the eyes mcm nk sepak sia. I got so kanchiong and i quickly hid it and walked to Lrt. LOL much, wtf... (Shy to the max)

So took lrt, home. Bath, online. Explained to Michelle, Fadhila, Victoria, Idah & Zye why i broke up with Izad.

Okay this is how it goes alright...

My first ex asked for patch. I took 2 days to think about it, at first i rejected cause i love A. But after that i agreed cause i didn't want my 1st ex to be sad. Then i swear, i can't make myself love him. i don't even have feelings for him, i don't even feel like meeting him altho we stays near. So we met up last night, everything feel so ... See Morewrong. I asked for break because i saw this "I am so glad to have Emily back in my life after 5 years." I saw that, i felt like a bitch. I cried, and i asked for break today.. I really don't know what to do. I rather move on by myself than making my ex think that i loves him instead of A. you get it?... :'(

Now you all know why? My dearest Izad, if you managed to read this, please don't blame me. I want you to get better girls, i am not worth you love, so what you said i am worth your love, but no, i know i don't. Please move on, i want you to hate me, that's why i bombarded you with all the vulguarities, i don't mean to scold you, i really want you to hate me so that you can move on. Im so sorry. I'd rather move on my myself, i'd rather suffer alone then having you by my side thinking that i loves you. I can't make myself do it, im so sorry. :'( I'll always remember what i did to you, im so sorry... :'(

Like what Iskandar said to me. "Emily, why you also kena bastard?! Cb sia."
I call this karma. In the sense of bad or good, i call it karma. I don't deserve good stuffs, i don't know why. Guys love to make fun of my feelings, make me laugh, make me cry and lastly, the love to make me look like a fool. Why? Am i that stupid and foolish enough to be your play toy? Don't i deserve better? Why bother saying you love me when you know you're gonna leave me for someone better, prettier? Why?..

Im heartbroken, i guess i am going to take months to be real happy.

Question to myself, When Was The Last Time When I Am Real Happy?


I seek for strength. Chaws.