Okay, this will be a emotional post. Reason for posting this photo, reminds me those days when i can really laugh out loud in macdonald's with friends. What's with me, i wish i know. ;/ I don't even know what is wrong and what i want in my life. I guess, i really need to take a break.

Last night was a very hard night for me and you. I finally said out what i wanna say to you, it hurts me to hear you crying on the phone with me. First time ever, i heard someone crying over the phone with me asking me not to leave. The naive in me disappear when i heard your tone, can you please understand?

I will never want to leave you, but i just cannot forgive myself for doing this. You tried so hard to convince me that you are okay with me, i am a good girlfriend. I know, like what F said, i shouldn't bring my past to the present. I must say, F is still a part of me, and i know you know this.

F convinced me to forget Ayun, in just shortly 1 week, he made a great impact in my life, leaving me hanging on here without a reason, that is so heartbreaking. F said he won't leave, F said we can make it and what's mine will be his's. F said, F promised, F.. Everything F.. Can you see how big the impact is?

I got bastard for the 5th time by F. I have NO MORE confidence in relationships. But you managed to make me have the minimum confident, 0.01% of confident. Sometimes, it increases to 90%, sometimes it doesn't, and yesterday, its 0.00%. You said you won't be the 6th guy, i don't believe it. Not because i don't trust you, is because i am too afraid of guys breaking my heart. Seriouslly very scared, i feel like leaving you incase you leaves me.

I am a very selfish girl when it comes to relationships. I can really focus on my boyfriend, neglecting about how will i feel. I can also leave you for the sake of my happiness. Last night, you ran away from house, your family got so worried, i cried when i recieved your brother's text. All because of me, you'll end up this way. Because of me, your mom will cry. I don't mean it.

Im sorry to hurt your feelings. I really don't wish to hurt you any longer. Its my fault, my fault for being too friendly to you ever since the day when you smiled to me at the bustop, my fault for being too naive to believe all what my 5th guy said.

Promise? All my boyfriends said they won't leave and they promise that they will stay by me. What happen? They left before i did. I had a hard time moving on, i had enough of using people to forget about ex boyfriends. It hurts, like thousands of needles piercing through my heart. Please forget about my promise, your promise, everyone's promise. Promise are meant to be broken, don't promise, do it.

The thought of leaving you hurts me, i'll give myself another chance, i'll appreciate this chance, and this will be my last chance. I know you'll provide me the maximum chances, i know you loves me, i know. But i'm sorry, this is my last chance. I promise, i will stay by your side as long as i can.

Syukri, i know i hurt you, i hurt myself at the same time too.
I hope you understands my post for today. It's been 5 times since i got bastard. I no longer believe in promises. I believe in actions. I won't promise you that i'll stick with you. But i will show to you, i'll try my best to stay as long as i can. Because relationships are just a temporary thing in life. The reason why i'll try my best, is because i appreciate your love and i don't bear to leave you like this. I want you to get well, i want you to make it. I love you & i'm sorry.

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This post is indeed emotional, its been a long time since i really typed out what i feels, nothing can really make me smile now. I guess, its up to me now. Im going for a cold bath, put on the make up and hide my ugliness and then head out to meet my friends, who are feeling the same way as i did, especially Suhaimi.

I can only say, friends is much important than relationships.